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The search: Suspension of Disbelief
Well, as long as I searched for
my Self, I overlooked my Self! How stupid could I be? That were my first
thoughts, reading Gilbert Schultz on his website.
And...I knew it all the time!
My thinking had -by sustaining the search-
invented a strong spiritual identity!
Searching is stepping out of 'Thou
that You are.' I am already That. The seeker is to be seen in action by
the real Me. So the object tries to find & become the Subject, the real Me. But
I am already That. I'm not the seeker. The seeker is a role, invented by
thinking. But my existence is beyond denial. I'm here already! There is
seeing, hearing, tasting, sensing, smelling. The heart beats, my hair grows, my
brain works all the time. I have nothing to do for it. I'm here!
That search is thus
hopeless. And the Real Me makes use of the senses: seeing, hearing, feeling,
tasting, smelling... So I know I'm Here.
About 1995 I first discovered that truth,
having read Krishnamurti, Ouspensky, Huang Po and many others. But I expected after that moment
of freedom, that my
life would be without troubles from then on. It did not, on the
contrary, so I started the search again, looking for Peace & Safety.
I wrote texts on this website similar as
the texts of Sailor Bob and Gilbert Schultz. I understood it, I saw it. I understood
Krishnamurti. Reading his Notebook I felt the overwhelming Peace en Stillness.
It was with me so easily during the four years of Satsangs with Djihi Marianne in
Rotterdam, and during the therapy-sessions I gave at home and during moments with my
girlfriend.... but it didn't change
my life. The pain kept coming. I kept searching. I was always in haste on my way to
.....home? I had felt Home, but it escaped on me so easily.
I dug myself deep in Ramana and Nisargadatta, but it
seemed unattainable. For me the spiritual path had become a kind of suspension
of disbelief. I had so much invested in my personality, my ego, my knowledge,
that it was very hard to believe what I read. And when I believed it, it didn't
lead me to realising it as the definite truth. I was waiting for an impressing
and definite sign, that would -beyond any doubt- be a prove of my homecoming.
Early 2006 I gave up the search. Let it all
roll! I succeeded in doing that for a couple of weeks.
March 2006 I discovered the website of
Gilbert Schultz. The first sentence was: Stop the search! You are already that,
what you are looking for! I don't know what it was, but it struck me like a
hammer. Yes,
this is it! Of course! How stupid of me! It is unavoidable! I know it, I have known this for
years. I
wrote it myself! I explained it to other people.
My mind knew it, 'Rob' knew it, but that
was not enough.
'I' remembered 'myself' reading Gilbert. A spark hit me beyond my grasping
mind. It was not an act of my
person or my ego. Something beyond that recognized ItSelf. I'm now back where I
belong. Here, as Me.
Home. That's not a so-called enlightment. It's the recognition of the
nothingness that's behind all that is to be seen and experienced. That nothingness
is also your true being. I'm no other than you, who is reading this.
What's me is not that which is to be seen. The old me tries to regain its Rightful Place. But the spell is broken. The
process of dismantling my old beliefs & habits continues......
Rob, 10 April 2006
 Gilbert
Schultz is a
former' student of 'Sailor' Bob Adamson. He tells us, that with a rare
directness, Bob took all doubts away from
this apparent, individual mind - through pointing out the errors in belief. This
mind opened to the investigation of the situation and erroneous beliefs were
transcended. This happened like the dawn happens. It was not an event in 'time'.
Since 'then' (which was and is 'now') there has been and is spontaneous life
without the burden of psychological suffering.
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Essential Directness - let it 'seep' into your bones.
Too direct and too immediate for the mind bound into time
realms?
There is an essential directness to this 'teaching', which is so clearly
obvious, yet it seems difficult for seekers to recognize this.
In the relativity of being a seeker - most seekers are attracted to
conceptually based teachings that are full of 'time bound notions' and the
mind relates to all that and it gives the mind something to hang onto and
to strive for - and so these seekers can then judge themselves by whatever
progress they (imagine that they) are making.
- This 'teaching' is about non conceptual awareness.
This 'teaching' is not even a teaching and it is certainly not 'Neo
Advaita' nor is it 'Advaita' - it is not found within any localized
conceptual boundaries at all - it is nothing other than the directness of
your own immediate cognizing - this immediate functioning right now. - All
you need to do is re-cognize that fact. - See that all concepts appear
within it and that all concepts are equal in the fact that they are all
concepts - and a concept is just a concept - Knowing is not a concept -
awareness is not a concept, though they appear in the realm of concepts as
concepts - but it is the knowing that allows them to be known.
You will never find an answer to it all 'in time' or anywhere else, nor
will you find it in anyone else....you can only ever re-discover it as
THIS immediacy of functioning NOW - this living essence, and see that it
is THAT which is 'doing' the SEEING - THAT which is KNOWING.
It is totally immediate and it never budges from THIS.
THIS is happening NOW - It has no pre-requisites and no limitations at
all.
All the limitations are of the mind and the 'owner' of those limited views
is a fiction - one discovers that this 'teaching', in its essential
nature, has nothing to do with the mind and its endless fiction of
'progress'. - The mind is bypassed totally.
All one needs to do is to look through your own eyes - see from this
space-like awareness and KNOW that THAT is what you are.
In that 'space' there is a total clarity and total emptiness, and THAT is
so simple - it is this pure knowing that you are and what you have always
been.
That does not depend on any concept whatsoever.
Seekers depend on gurus and gurus depend on concepts....while you are
beyond all that dependency - just know it and keep knowing it - BE that
Knowing and see that nothing can knock you out of it - especially not a
concept.
- That 'space-like awareness' that non conceptual awareness cannot be
truly objectified in any way shape or form. - In discovering this
invisibility of oneself, in transcending the form that believes it is the
cognizer and in seeing the fact that the instrument itself is only
'appearing' within the actuality of immediate cognizing, then all methods
and practices are rendered completely passive in an instant.
This is totally available to everyone - As Bob says: "Not for just
the few" - it is totally available, simply because it is our true
nature. - It is what I am.
- All teachings are simply concepts.
The only thing that you cannot deny or negate is the fact that you exist -
you KNOW you ARE.
That living-ness can be named as Spirit.
- Spirit suffuses all there is and is One Spirit - undifferentiated in its
wholeness.
You can dwell on your limited conceptual bondage for eternity and never
take a real step forward.
You are the destination and no departure is possible.
Now is all there is.
Seeing and knowing are the pure functioning of our true nature. - What the
mind tells you can only ever be a repeat of the past. - This moment is
fresh and new.
It has never happened before and it can never happen again.
It does NOT depend on the past.
- All knowledge is an appearance within KNOWING and the only value any
knowledge has is by the KNOWING that is imparted in THIS moment of NOW.
That is all one needs to know - and in knowing that simplicity, all the
minds terrain is melted down into this presence - and nothing can ever
take you away - and your own formless true nature remains prior to all
appearances.
The journey that never was is completed - and from this moment on, you
never need to be guided by another.
The mirage is seen through.
The relief that ensues abates as the old habit patterns of mind are washed
away. - That may happen instantly or it may appear to be gradual - but it
is totally unmistakable because the knowing factor is this presence that I
am.
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